Utter bollocks from January

09/01

"I killed a reindeer and drank its blood. Well you have to really."

12/01

"Do you think tonight will be the night?"
"Could be."
"Tell her."
"Probs not then."

"You're going over there with a ready opened condom packet?"
"I may as well just put it on now"

13/01

"People say ignorance is bliss- I say...  I hate ignorance"

"I went to talk to Frank"
"I know more than Frank does"

16/01

"No but once I had sex with my girlfriend and her vagina was really hot."
"Sweaty?"
"Not sweaty just really really hot"
"Like someone had put  handwarmer up there?"
"Erm. Yeah I guess. But it was amazing. I didnt know how it got like that or how to recreate it though"
"Put a hand warmer up there?"

"I havnt had sex this year. Or even had a wank."
"Have you pooed?"
"Er yeah."
"Well there you go, its not all bad!"

17/01
"Aren't Pandas gay?"
"What?!"
Well I've never seen a pregnant panda"

"Once somebody jumped on my belly and a little bit of poo came out"

19/01

"What's a Boa Constrictor, some sort of massive bird?"


23/01

"Im not stupid, my Q.I is higher than that!"

"I'd rather eat my on sick than have bananas or eggs."
"Would you eat your own sick that is bananas and eggs rather than having to eat more bananas and eggs?"
"Yes"

24/01

"Your friend is going to think that you're a slut now Tinkerbell"
"She knows."